Bisexual Ephemera

Bisexual Ephemera I

I ghost             through towns like a stranger’s obituary
            a subtle wanting to be seen
I ghoul             across garish, sun-swept asphalt
            loath the jaw tightened in the shop windows
I smear            my name in freshly poured cement
                        on the cusp of nightfall
            clawing initials to linger awhile longer here

I hold everything human & yet am less than man.
I unlearn my want to make the world part & make room for me.

Feel me            wisp & float by, morose
            as an unmarked grave
Feel me            tender & brutish, call me
            something untamed
Feel me            sparse & haunted, unable
            to claim but one face

To be human is to wholly contradict the shadow of God.
To be beast is to innately know the shape of hunger.

Bisexual Ephemera II

I am:
            your mother’s favorite male social whore
            your dry dream of certain friendship
            a muddled puddle of masculinity
            the fevered-dancefloor fantasy of a faded-cut punk
            the definition in a language of multiple fuzzy definitions

I will:
            confuse the flustered fuck out of you in a dive bar
            break down the barrier between machismo and delicate
            get drunk off of sincerity before the liquor drowns me

I won’t:

            be Mr.-steal-your-girl or Mr.-hit-on-your-boyfriend
            let you realize I have a weak spot between my head and heart

I need:

            to be watered, like anyone else, with sweat from time to time
            validation that I won’t wake up a murdered malignancy
            absolution that God is a hybrid text in braille about love
            for you to know I still bleed maroon and breathe the same

Let me:

            clarify this. Just because I’m a contradiction doesn’t mean I’m not real

Samuel J Fox is a bisexual poet and essayist living in North Carolina. He is a poetry editor at (b)OINK and poetry editor at Orson's Review. He appears in Grimoire Magazine, The Occulum, and Moonchild Magazine; he is forthcoming in Former Cactus, Dirty Paws Poetry, and Mannequin Haus. Find him on Twitter (@samueljfox).

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